How to Deal with Loneliness
by Alexisz
Summary: Canada is always invisible to other people, and of course he feels lonely. But he's used to it. He thinks. After the party, he never wants to feel lonely again. PruCan, fluff. Human names used!
1. Feeling lonely?

**A/N I don't own anything… But no one on this site does. Duh.**

**I like so many pairings of Hetalia! AmericaxEngland, EnglandxFrance, RussiaxLatvia, ChinaxRussia, IT DOESN'T MATTER AS LONG AS THERE IS LOVE 8D**

**I don't really know how to write… I just tried something. So don't flame please! Please review, constructive criticism and tips are welcome. It doesn't matter if it's a short review, reviews makes me happy!**

**Oh, by the way, English is my second language, so please correct me if I made grammar mistakes! I'm still learning.**

**OKAY, PrussiaxCanada fanfiction, START!**

**Written from Canada's POV**

* * *

When I'm checking my mail, I see I have an e-mail from Roderich. Roderich? He doesn't mail me very often. Never, actually. I mean, we know each other but we're not friends. Just acquaintances. I click to open the mail. A party? Roderich is having a party this Saturday! That's… tomorrow! Why did he invite me? I'm a nobody! I didn't even thought Roderich was the party-like type. Maybe it will be a classical party? The party is not even for a reason, but just for fun.

I sigh and lean back. I don't like parties. I don't like places with many people. How many people did he invite anyway? Let's see… Ludwig, Ivan, Feliciano, Kiku, Feliks, Gilbert, Elizaveta, Antonio... I don't even know everyone.

I don't really feel like going at all. I don't like places with many people. I'm invisible; I know that, but still. I don't even know why people can't see me. I'm a big country, right? And I stand out with my mapleleaf-flag. Hmm, maybe it's not me as a country, but as a person. Maybe I'm just too silent. Too shy. Well, no one can be louder than Alfred anyway. When Alfred is with me, I can't talk. He interrupts me, blames me, and belittles me. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother, but I'd like to talk too sometimes. Even without Alfred, I just can't talk much. My voice is too silent. Alfred's isn't.

Speaking of the devil, Alfred is behind me, looking at the invitation.

''Hey'' he says ''I got that invitation too! I didn't even knew Roderich was the type who would party, but I can't wait to go! You're going too right?''

He looks at me with a very hyper-hopeful face.

''Err, I don't really know Alfred, I don't think-''

''We can totally go together dude! It will be so much fun!'' Of course. Interrup, ignore and do your own thing like you always do. Way to go Alfred.

''And then, we'll party hard, get waisted and everything. Artie will get drunk anyway, and we dance and have fun and..'' I just let him ramble like always. I don't see what's the fun is in getting drunk. I also don't see what Alfred sees in getting Arthur drunk.

Alfred and Arthur are together for 2 years now, but they still behave like a bunch of morons, who are having their first date. It's cute how they love each other and everything, but unfortunately they're not hiding it, not even a little bit. They easily make out next to me when we're watching a movie. It happens all the time. Then I go upstairs, to my room, after a while they go to Alfred's room, and well, you can guess what happens next. I asked them a lot of times if they can go to Arthur's place, but I'm being ignored. Like I'm invisible.

I look at the computer screen again. Should I go? Or not? Go? Or not? … oh what the heck. I'll just go. If it's crap, I can go home anyway. Maybe it will be fun.

Yeah, keep telling that yourself Matthew, like you always do.

''Matt, is something wrong?'' Alfred asks.

''Eh? N-no, why do you ask?''

''You've been staring at the screen for a few minutes now. Have you even heard what I said?'' I look down.

''No, not really… Sorry Alfred.'' Alfred pats me on my shoulder.

''Oh, no big deal, I wasn't saying very important stuff. So, you wanna go or not?''

Why does Alfred even ask me if I want to go or not? He won't pay any attention to me, only to Arthur. Arthur will talk to me for a few seconds, but Alfred will interrup.

''Yeah, I'll go.'' Matthew, what are you doing to yourself? But Alfred seems very happy about it.

''Cool! I will drive us to the party, okay?'' That doesn't seem like a very good plan! ''Alfred, you can't drink and drive-''

''We will pick up Arthur on the way, and then, PARTY!'' He yelled enthousiantically. Ouch, my ears! ''I'll call Artie immediately!'' And Alfred runs to the phone to call his boyfriend.

Whatever. Right, now that's done, I'm going to my room. Alfred is talking on the phone like a hyper high school girl in love, ''I will pick you up and drive us to Roderich's place and…''

I shut the computer down, and go upstairs. I can still hear Alfred talking on the phone, ''I will be the hero!'' I chuckle. I think Alfred illusion to be a hero is funny. He will shout at any random time, at any random place: 'I'm the hero!' whenever he feels like it.

I get inside, and close my bedroom door. When I turn around, I can see the walls of my room, filled with paintings. Well, walls… There is no wall to see anymore. Paintings everywhere. I love to paint. I paint with many many colors. I like the colorful paintings, they make me feel happier. Wow, that must have sound so girly! But I can't help it. When I've had enough of Alfred, or Arthur, I paint. Or go outside, that also helps.

I hear a small voice mumbling from the ground.

''Hey! I'm here! Are you blind?'' It's Kumajirou, my polar bear. I smile and pick him up.

''Were you bored, Kuma?''

''Nah, just hungry!'' With one hand I open a drawer, and take out some treats.

''Here, you can eat this'' I put Kumamata down and give him the treats.

''Thank you, whoever you are!'' The small bear says.

''I'm Canada! Your owner!''

''Whatever!''

Sigh.

Most of the time, I'm in my room or outside. I go to the parc, grass field, lake, woods, it doesn't matter as long as it is nature. And as long as I don't have to see those two make out. Seriously, can't they just do that somewhere else? I have to flee out of my own house sometimes! But I can't complain. I have a lovely brother, his boyfriend is really nice, and we live in a beautiful house. You'd say it's perfect right? Then why do I feel so lonely all the time?

Come on now Matthew, don't be so sad. You might depress yourself if you go on like this. Time to paint.

I get some old clothes, change, and get a white canvas. Let's do this.

* * *

It goes really bad. The painting is horrible. I used blue, yellow and red, but somehow it's a sad painting. The face I tried to draw also failed. Oh well, sometimes a painting fails. Too bad. Better luck next time.

I feel something tugging on my pants. When I look down, I see Kumakichi is trying to get my attention.

''It's nice.'' He says.

I smile, ''Thanks Kuma''

I look at the clock, and see it's already 18:12. I better start making dinner now, I'm kinda hungry. Alfred probably too. I go downstairs, and see Arthur and Alfred in the living room. They're watching TV while they cuddle.

''Hey Arthur,'' I say. Arthur looks up to me and smiles. Alfred's eyes are still glued on the TV.

''Good evening'' He smiles gently at me, ''how are you?'' Arthur is a nice guy. He pays more attention to me than my own brother sometimes.

''I'm good, thanks. And you? Is your computer already working?'' Arthur bought a new computer two days ago, but he said it didn't work well.

''I'm doing very good, and so is my computer. I think I finally figured out how it works now.''

''Oh, that's good news! Er, I was just about to make dinner, do you-''

Alfred interrups, ''Hey, wanna eat with us Artie?'' I was just about to ask him that! Alfred, sometimes you really annoy me. Arthur answers

''Oh, okay, If I'm not a bother.''

That depends on if you're going to make out while I'm next to you. Before I can answer, Alfred is already talking.

''No no no, you're never a bother to us! We like it when you're here! Right Matt?'' Well duh, of course you like it when he's here. You guys are a couple.

''Yeah…'' I answer. I don't have to say more because Alfred is rambling again. That's my cue now to go to the kitchen and make some dinner.

That evening, after we had dinner, Arthur and Alfred were gone for a walk. So I have the house for myself for a little while. I'm gonna watch some TV, now that Alfred's not here. Normally, when I'm watching TV, Alfred is talking all the time so I can't hear it, or changes the channel while I'm watching something.

What to watch? Documentaries, a thriller movie, a romantic comedy… Oh, there are still some kids' cartoons! Those are fun! I'm silent while I'm watching Spongebob. I've always loved childish cartoons. Danny Phantom is my favorite. I hate thrillers, I always get freakin' scared! Alfred also gets scared, but he seems to like it. And I don't need a romantic comedy, when I have to see Alfred and Arthur being lovey-dovey all the time. No, Nickelodeon is perfect.

Spongebob is over, and Nickelodeon makes place for Comedy Central. Nothing interesting to see anymore. Oh, Arthur and Alfred are back. Time for me to go to my room. I'll paint some more, and get some sleep.

* * *

Urghh… Something woke me up. I'm dead tired, but it's noisy.

''… Alfred a-aahhh…''

''…Hnng-ah! Arthur..''

Oh no not again! Please, not again! Why here? Why? Why not at Arthur's house?! This is so embarrassing… I sigh. What time is it? I turn to my side to look at the digital clock. Oh my goodness, it's 3:34! For Maple's sake, this is horrible. Once again, it's going to be a long night.

* * *

I wake up, and open my eyes. The light is going through the curtains, lighting up my whole room. Looking to my side, I see my paintings. They look so much nicer in the sun. It's only 8:44, so I turn around to close my eyes again, and maybe sleep a little bit more. Those two will probably be silent for a long time now, so I can sleep peacefully now. And slowly, I fall asleep…

''… Hew… thew..''

What's this? I'm sleepy…

''... Matthew…'' Someone is shaking my shoulders.

''MATTHEW WAKE UP!'' I freak out, open my eyes and sit right up.

''What?! What?!'' My sleepy eyes are getting less blurry and reveal Alfred. Sigh… ''Alfred, what's going-''

''It's 11, get up already Mattie!'' More shoulder-shaking.

''Alfred don't shake me please!'' But he doesn't listen. Alfred says

''Get up, we'll be waiting for you downstairs!'' and runs out of my room, downstairs to wait like he said. What is going on? Let's get up first…

I'm throwing my feet off the bed. 11:03, Alfred was right. 'We will be waiting for you downstairs' he said. We? Oh, Arthur is still here of course. Okay, next, shower. I stand up, and drag myself to the bathroom. I think I know how a zombie must be feeling. My body is way to heavy to drag to the bathroom. After a nice hot shower, I walk to my closet. I'm gonna wear my Maple-hoodie and jeans today.

When I'm downstairs, I see Arthur on the couch.

''Hey Arthur'' Arthur is lying on the couch.

''Good morning Matthew'' he sits right up, so I can sit too. I sit down and ask ''Where did my brother go?''

''Oh, he said he'd go to the store to buy drinks. He thought you were out of drinks.'' Yes, out of soda, because Alfred drinks soda like Ivan drinks vodka. Arthur asks ''are you going to Roderich's party tonight?'' Oh, right, the party! I almost forgot about it.

''Ah, uh, yes, Alfred didn't tell you I was going too?'' Arthur laughs a little.

''Yes, he did tell me, but I wanted to hear it from you, because Alfred can be really... You know…'' I smile.

''Yeah, I know. But this time, I decided to go for myself.''

''Ah, how nice. Oh look, Alfred is back.'' I look out of the window, and see Alfred with 4 bottles of soda. Alfred is shocked.

''Bloody hell, that's… A LOT of soda! How much does he think he can drink  
?!'' Arthur is dating Alfred for 2 years, and he's still surprised by how much he drinks?

I'm eating some breakfast, chat a bit with Arthur and Alfred (or, get ignored and hear them talking) and with painting, eating and being outside, my day goes fast. I'm just back from my walk, and take my jacket en shoes off. It's getting warmer outside. Summer is coming.

''So,'' Alfred says to me ''you ready to go?''

I look at Alfred with a confused face.

''The party? Remember?''

''Oh right. Yes, just give me 5 minutes.'' Why do I keep forgetting the party? I run to my room to change clothes. My pants are dirty because I sat on the sand in the woods. I'm done, and run downstairs.

I say ''I'm here! Let's go.'' But they are already in the car. Are they going to forget me now? It keeps going worse and worse…

I put on my shoes really fast, grab my jacket, run to the car and get in.

''Okay, we're all here'' Alfred says, like we're with 20 people.

''Let's go!'' And Alfred drives us to Roderich's place. Alfred and Arthur are talking to each other the whole way, and I'm sitting in the back.

* * *

Finally, we arrive. We all get out, and Arthur and Alfred immediately walk to the door, without thinking of me. I'll just walk after them. We get in, and I regret it immediately. The music is really loud, everyone is dancing, drinking or talking with each other. Really cozy, but not the kind of cozy I like. The couple is already gone, so I'm standing here alone. I'm really uncomfortable, and glad nobody can see that. I'm walking through the house a bit, and try to talk to a few people, but no one sees me. No one hears me. I'm invisible. I didn't really think this through. I can't go home because Alfred and Arthur also need the car, and I have no money for public transport. Ahw Maple! Now what?

From the corner of my eye, I see something white. A white spot is passing by on my right, but when I turn around, it's gone. Did Roderich had any pets? A big white fluffy dog or something? Am I imagining white spots now?

I. Am. So. Bored. I'm walking a bit through the house, it's huge. There are some pictures on the wall in the hall, out of boredom I'm going to look at them. There are 4 pictures. One of Elizaveta, with mountains on the background. She stands next to a tree with nice blue flowers. She's smiling, and not a fake picture smile, but a real smile. She looks so pretty. The picture next to it shows a little girl, with reddish hair and a huge curl on the right side of her head. She's wearing a green dress, with white apron and she smiles really cute. She looks like… Feliciano? Huh, weird. Next picture is of a blonde guy-

From the corner of my eye I see something walking. Hey, it's that white spot again! But when I look it's gone. For the second time! I saw it a little bit better this time. I think White Spot is a person. But I can't remember a pale paper white person…

I can hear something is going on in the living room, or rather, not going on. It's really quite.

I walk to the living room, and see everyone standing around a table. Roderich is standing on that table, and tries to get everyones attention. Oh, that's why they were so silent. Roderich speaks up;

''Are we having a pleasant time?'' everybody yells and laughs. ''Right, that's what I thought! I'd like to welcome you all…''

Not very interesting. It doesn't matter how hardcore the party is, Roderich is always paying attention to his manners. His big ego manners that is. Everyone is in a circle around the table he stands on, and I'm looking at everyone. Everyone is standing still, so I can take a good look. I don't know very many people. I sigh.

My eyes are wandering over evey head, evey face… Wait a minute.

I turn my eyes to one person. It's a guy with white hair, white eyebrows and a really pale skin. Almost like… White Spot? Can that be White Spot? I think it is! That explains.

I don't know why, but I can't take my eyes off him. Everyone here is tanned, or black, or white, or a bit pale, but his skin is really really really white. It's weird, but nice at the same time.

White Spot is looking at Roderich, smiling and laughing with everyone else. He must be having fun.

My eyes are still glued on him, when he looks directly at me. White Spot and I are having quick eye contact, before I look away. Idiot! I can't stare at people, that's rude! I think I'm blushing, my face feels a bit hot. I don't know if it's because of the darkness, or the discolights, but his eyes looked red. Red eyes, pale skin, white hair… is that guy an albino?

Wait a sec… If he made eye contact with me then… He saw me? Can he see me? I'm not invisible to White Spot? Just to be sure, I look up, and see that he is still (or again) looking at me. I feel like I must look at him, like I can't turn my eyes off him. We stare at each other for a few seconds, and then White Spot smiles at me. I can feel my face heat up again.

I turn around and head for the kitchen. Seriously, can't I keep my eyes to myself? He must be angry that I've been staring at him. But he was staring at me too, he even smiled. What does that mean?

Can't I just go home already?

Alfred and Arthur are still having fun, so it seems we'll be going home late. Maybe we're staying over. I don't hope we are…

The kitchen is huge, just like the rest of Roderichs house. And everyone is in the other room listening to his talking so no one is in the kitchen, except for me. Somehow being alone feels good.

''Hey'' someone suddenly says. Maple, that scared me! Is that person talking to me? I turn around, to see White Spot standing in the doorway. In the bright kitchen light he looks even more pale. He's dressed in baggy grey trousers, black army shoes, a black T-shirt, a red and black checkered scarf and he's holding a drink. He smiles really cute. He looks nice. Good. Very good. Beautiful.

''Uhh h-h-hi''

Don't stutter! Please, I have to act normal! Or at least not show him I'm nervous. Why am I nervous anyway?

''Are you enjoying the party?'' he asks. He leans at the doorway, still smiling.

''H-h-huh? O-oh, uh, y-y-yes!'' I blush like mad, and I'm trembling a little. White Spot seems relaxed, as he sips some of his drink. He looks at me seriously.

''Hmm? You don't seem like you're having fun. Come on, there's beer, people, music, it's awesome!''

He comes a bit closer, trying to convince me. I can't move, I'm only trembling more and more.

''I-I-I just d-don't like p-parties…''

He raises his eyebrows, ''Don't like parties? Why not? Too many people?''

I nod. He stands next to me, leaning on the sink.

''Well then,'' He smirks ''want to sneak out?''

I look up, ''H-huh? What do you-''

Before I can finish my sentence, he puts down his cup, grabs my wrist and takes me out of the kitchen.

''I know a nice place! Follow me!'' Like I have a choice, you just grab me and drag me out of the room! He runs to the back of the house.

''Wh-where are you taking me to?'' I ask.

He looks back to me, ''we're going through the back door, that's faster!''

Faster? Faster to what?

When we arrive at the back door, he lets go of me. White Spot opens the door for me, and I walk through it. He follows me and closes the door, turns around and looks me in my eyes.

He smiles quickly, before he starts walking again.

''Follow me.''

He walks through the garden, and I follow him. It's dark, so the gardenlights are on. The stars are shining bright, with no clouds covering them. A perfect temperature, not too hot, and not too cold. A beautiful night.

And I'm following a total stranger, through the garden of an acquaintance.

''Wh-what's your name?'' I ask White Spot. But he doesn't answer. I'm talking not loud enough.

Before I can ask again, he suddenly stops walking so I bump up against him.

''Oh! S-s-sorry! My f-fault, I wasn't paying attention!''

He turns around and smiles at me. That smile looks good on him.

''No prob!'' he says. ''We're almost there, just a bit patience!''

''Okay..''

He opens the gate of Roderichs garden, and lets me walk first. I'm standing on a sidewalk, White Spot stands next to me. Cars are driving on the road, making noise everytime one passes by.

''We only have to cross this road,'' White Spot says. We cross the road, and then… A beautiful sight.

Apperantly, we're on a huge bridge. I can see the city, it's so tiny from here! All the light of the houses, cars and billboards are shining bright, in so many colors! I feel like painting.

''Wow…''

I'm fascinated by the view, until a weird sound interrupts my thoughts.

''Kesesese!''

I look to my left, where White Spot is leaning on the edge. Was that a laugh?

''Are you enjoying the view?'' He asks.

''Uh, yes!'' I look back to the city. ''It's beautiful.''

White Spot smiles. ''Good!''

''Why did you bring me here? Y-you don't even know me!''

White Spot turns his head and looks at me, ''Well, you said you didn't like parties right?''

I nod.

''And you were bored right?''

I nod again.

''And you enjoy this more than being in Roderichs house right?''

I nod again, how does he knows this? I look back at the view.

It's silent for a while. I can only hear the cars and some noises from the city.

''… How do you know all this?'' I ask.

White Spot looks confused.

''What do you mean?''

I blush, and try to hide my face behind my hair a little bit.

''Well… Most of the time I'm invisible to people, and they never know how I feel. I never get the chance to tell them anyway. But you…'' I look up at him. My voice is raising a little bit, ''Somehow you see me, you know what I'm thinking, while you're a total stranger!''

He is silent and looks away. Did I say anything wrong? Maybe I shouldn't be so enthusiastic about this. Now I screwed up, he probably doesn't want to talk to me anymore. Great.

''…Gilbert.''

''… Huh?''

''My name is Gilbert.''

White Spots name is Gilbert. Gilbert… That's a nice name. It suits him. Better then White Spot.

''… Oh…''

Stupid, stupid, stupid me! Now it looks like I forced him or something!

''N-nice to meet you…''

Silence.

''What your name?''

I blush. ''Oh right! I'm M-ma-matthew!'' I clear my throat. ''Matthew''

''Well,'' Gilbert says, ''Matthew, do you have anything to do tomorrow?''

''Huh? Oh, uh, n-not really, I-I-I think, why?''

''Wanna go on a date with me?''

Whaaaaat?! A date?! Gilbert asks me on a date?! My thoughts are going crazy. We're both guys! That's… Weird!

…

Right?

… That should be weird… Why is he asking me this?

''Wow, Matty, relax!'' Gilbert put his hands on my shoulders, ''your face is a bright tomato red! Are you alright?''

''Ye-yes, I'm fine! Thank you!'' He doesn't let go of my shoulders.

''… So? What's your answer?''

And again, my face is heating up. What should I say? I can't go on a date with him, right? I'm not… not… gay… Right?

Despite my thoughts being one big mess, I bring out an ''I-I don't know…How can we d-date? We're both… both… !''

Gilbert looks disappointed, his eyes are lowering. He lets go of my shoulders are stands right up again.

''Oh, you're not interested in guys. Right, I should've known. Sorry for bringing you here.'' He turns his back on me and almost starts to walk, ''I'm gonna go back to the party…''.

''No, wait!'' I quickly grab his wrist, preventing him from walking away. Gilbert turns around, ''What?''

''Please don't leave…''

I let go of his wrist. ''Oh, sorry. Er…''

Come on, I got to say this right. Brain, cooperate with me this time!

''I-I-It's not that I'm not interested In g-guys… I just…'' I have to find the right words. I take a deep breath, and tell him my thoughts. ''I never actually dated before, so I was a bit surprised and freaked out a little bit.''

It's all true what I said. I never dated before. Sure, I talked to a few girls, and one time I asked a girl out but… She didn't hear me. They never heard me. Or they friendzoned me. I don't know what's worse. And, I do think that some guys look hot, but does that make me gay? I also think some girls look hot. Does that make me bisexual?

… Does it matter? I like Gilbert, so why not date him? If he wants to, and I also want to… Why not?

''B-but'' I whisper ''I'd like to go on a d-d-date with you…'' I look to Gilberts face, which shows a big smile. ''You scared me for a moment, Matty! Kesesese!''

He hugs me, and squeezes me a little bit too hard. ''G-G-Gilbert…'' He immediately releases me. ''Oh, sorry!'' We both laugh softly.

Gilbert is a really nice guy. He can see me and hear me, and he looks cute. I don't feel like I have to prove myself to him. I feel comfortable. He wouldn't forget about me, unlike other people…

Yes, this could be a really nice date.

* * *

**A/N So, that's it! Err... I don't have chapter 2 planned or something… So, if you want me to continue, please tell me. Review or PM me please. I don't want the feeling like I'm writing for no one :P**

**EDIT: Chapter 2 in in the making :D I also fixed some grammar mistakes, but not everything. Please tell me if you see any grammar mistakes!**


	2. Always the same

**A/N yay chapter two! Thank you for the reviews, faves, follows, and mails. They made me really happy! :D**

I take a deep breath.

A really. Deep. Breath.

To clear my mind and set my thoughts.

Another deep breath.

Calm down Matthew, calm down.

…

This doesn't work.

I get up from my bed, and sigh. I tried to calm myself down from tonight, but I still feel… weird. I don't really know how to say this, but my body is going crazy, and my mind is one big mess. My face is heating up every time I think about it.

Tonight…

Tonight was a lovely night. Gilbert and I talked a lot, he's a really nice guy. I really like him, and we have a date tomorrow! Well, tomorrow… Today. Its 4:35 but I just can't sleep, I'm too exited.

It was kind of a disaster when we left Roderichs place. Arthur and Alfred were both drunk, and Arthur is really a bother when he is drunk. I had to drag them both back to the car, and drive us home. And because I was tired and hyper at the same time, I couldn't really focus on the way. Those two drunk persons on the backseat didn't really help too. They were singing and yelling all the way, and then Arthur got mood swings and got all dramatic. Finally, after a while they both fell asleep, so it was peaceful again. In the end, I didn't feel like dragging them to bed so I left them in the car with the keys, and I got in my own bed.

Now I'm supposed to sleep, but I can't! I'm just way too exited for today!

Today, at 2 pm, Gilbert'll pick me up and then we're going to the city we saw yesterday. He really wanted to take me there because I liked the view so much. I've never been in that city before, Gilbert said he'd show me everything. That's our plan so far, but I hope we're going to spend lots of time together!

Weird actually; I went to a party I didn't even like, met White Spot, and now we're gonna date! I really didn't expect this.

Suddenly, my cell phone makes a sound and lights up. I got a text, let's see. Oh, it's from Gilbert!

Hey Matty! 

Could you tell me 

some things that

you like? Hobbies 

or something? 

… Okay. I stare at the little screen of my cell phone. I wonder why he'd want to know this. We are having a date today, so can't he ask then? Does he want to get to know me better by texting?

Better text him back.

I like to paint, and 

see paintings. I also

like animals, music,

and nature.

I hope that'll do. Now I'm dead tired, I better sleep now.

My thoughts are racing like mad, but after a while I fall asleep and dream of Gilbert…

* * *

Mmm…

The warmth of the morning sun is going through the window and lands on me, that feels nice. I'm really comfy; I don't want to get up. What time is it? 1:04 pm. Wow, I slept a long time! But it doesn't matter; I don't have anything to do today anyway. I'll just sleep some more, I'm still kinda tired.

I almost drift back to sleep when…

THE DATE!

My eyes are wide open, and I immediately rush out of bed, in direction of the shower. How could I forget the date?! I was so nervous and hyper about it last night, and now I forgot it! Stupid, stupid, stupid me!

Quickly, I discard my clothes, step under the shower and turn the water on. Freezing! I forgot that the water isn't immediately warm! My whole body is ice cold; I take a step aside to let the water warm up. It takes a few seconds before it becomes a little warmer. Well, at least I'm fully awake now.

While I'm in the shower, I relax a little. Why was I so hasty? I still have almost two hours left before Gilbert comes to pick me up. I acted like a moron. Maple, sometimes I'm just so ashamed of myself… Seriously, I'm an idiot.

peaking of idiots, I wonder if Alfred and Arthur are already out of the car. I didn't see them on my way to the shower. Well, I was too stressed out to see them anyway. Maybe it was a little too unkind of me to leave them in the car? But I couldn't carry them to bed! I'd barely carry them to the car. Nah, they'll be fine in the car.

Mmm, okay, that shower was refreshing. I step out of the shower, and dry myself off. With the towel around my waist, I walk to my room to pick out clothes for today.

Let's put on my glasses first, or else I can't see my clothes.

I open all the drawers, so I can see most of my clothes. I don't have many clothes, just what I need. A few shirts, a few pants, vests, hoodies, cardigans, underwear and socks… Yep, that's about it. Alfred on the other hand, he drowns in shirts. He has thousands of shirts, unbelievable! Arthur too, but he wears suits almost all the time. I wonder how many ties that guy has…

Anyway, for me, it's gonna be simple. Red shirt, baggy jeans, grey vest, done. I don't really worry about my clothes, this'll be fine for Gilbert right? Right? This looks good, right? I ask myself the same question a thousand times, standing for the mirror. This is fine, right? Or should I wear something else? No, this is good. Matthew, stop worrying about nothing. You look just fine.

…

No I don't. How can anyone like this? I'm ugly! I mean, look at yourself Matthew! Your hair is stupid. If I let my hair grow some more, I'll probably looks like a hippy. Or like Francis. I don't know which one is worse. And then there's always that one hair that never cooperates with the rest of my hair! So annoying. And my glasses, ew! They make me look like I'm 80 years old or something. My eyes, my nose, my face, everything. I'm not muscular, or good looking. Oh, I hate this.

Am I depressed? Or just nervous for my date? I do know that I'm crazy, because I'm always talking to myself inside my head.

I'm not making things better this way. Sigh.

I dress myself, and go downstairs. I wonder is Alfred and Arthur are already-

''Matty!''

Alfred walks from the toilet towards me.

''Heyuh, couldya tell me what happened yesterday? I don't remember a thing.''

Yes Alfred, good morning to you too. You selfish…

I look at my brother, and say

''W-well, you guys were drunk, so I carried you both to the car and drove us home.''

So, now that's done: I'm hungry. When I want to walk to the kitchen, Alfred grabs my arm.

''Wait, you just left us in the car?''

I turn around, ''Yes, I couldn't carry you inside, you guys are heavy! And I was tired!''

''That's not cool man! You could totally bring us in the house, and… ''

I don't listen anymore. It doesn't really matter what he says anyways. My hunger is more important.

Then, I hear a rather… unpleasant sound coming from the toilet. Alfred immediately stops talking and rushes to the noise.

''Artie, are you alright?''

''Yes, yes, I'm fine…''

Alfred walks back to me, to continue his nonsense. But I ask him first, ''What's with Arthur?''

Alfred laughs a little. ''hangover'' He says smiling.

Of course. I could've known that myself. Alright, now, food.

For the second time, I walk to the kitchen. I feel like eating cereal now. Oh, we have some, nice. Last time I wanted to eat cereal, Alfred ate everything.

When I want to eat, I hear those noises again.

''Uhurgghrhhwr…'' Arthurs hangover.

… I'm not so hungry anymore.

Alfred walks past me, heading for the stairs. ''Alfred,'' I begin, but he doesn't hear me.

''Alfred!'' This time he hears me, and he turns around. ''how's Arthur?''

''Oh, he'll be fine, trust me!'' Alfred smiles. Does he think Arthurs hangover is ironic? … Okay, he's right. It is ironic.

''Heyuh, Matty, are ya gonna eat that?'' I points at my cereal.

''No, you can take-''

'' 'kay thanks!'' And he takes my breakfast (well, lunch actually) and starts eating it. My brother really is a weirdo.

When I blink, the food is gone. He still surprises me with how fast he can eat. Alfred can eat so amazingly quick. Especially hamburgers. He can eat 20 hamburgers in thirty minutes, while he's talking. Really, he could be in the Guinness book of World records.

''Now, I'm gonna get a towel. I think Artie needs that.'' And Alfred rushes upstairs. I see that I got a stain on my shirt. I better try to get that out. I go upstairs, and meet Alfred again in the bathroom. I pull off my shirt to wash the stain out. Alfred is already heading downstairs.

Grr, the stain won't come out! Okay, plan B, pick another shirt. I go to my room and change my shirt, Alfred is upstairs again to get more towels. I go downstairs, and hear voices coming from the front door. It's Arthur. I'm behind the wall, I want to hear what they say. I'm not eavesdropping! Just… curious.

''Gilbert what the bloody hell are you doing here?''

''Kesese, I'm here to pick up Matty!'' It's Gilbert! My face feels very hot somehow.

''Please don't talk so loud… Why are you picking up Matthew?''

''We're going on a date!'' It's silence for a few seconds.

''Okay, well, have fun then I suppose… I'll get Matthew for you- Oh there he is.''

I walk to the door, to see a smiling Gilbert. Arthur holds the door open, he looks very pale.

''Hey Matty! Ready for our date?'' Gilbert is smiling more and more.

''A-ah, yes, uh, thank you Arthur, I'll go now.''

''Hm, okay, have fun.''

Before Gilbert and I go, I say to Arthur, ''Please don't tell Alfred about our date. Please. Promiss me?''

Arthur looks surprised. ''Huh? … Fine. Now take your leave.''

I smile. "Thanks Arthur.''

I step outside, close the door and turn to Gilbert. He says nothing, he only smiles. I feel a blush coming up again… ''Hiyah Matty! So nice to see you again! Let's go, my car is over there.''

Gilbert points to a black and white Audi. Holy Maple. That's a pretty cool car. We walk to the car, ''Nice car Gilbert.'' I say.

''Yeah, it's awesome right? Thanks!'' Gilbert opens the door for me, and let's me sit first. What a gentlemen… Then Gilbert walks around the car and gets in himself.

''Wh-wha-what a-are we gonna do t-today?'' Why am I stuttering again? I need to speak normally. Gilbert grins. ''Nervous?''

I sit right up. ''N-no, no! Haha, not all…''

''Don't worry'' Gilbert says, as he comes closer, ''I'm a little nervous too.''

I stay silent. ''It's so cute when you blush!'' Gilbert says. Embarrassing…

Gilbert starts the car and drives. ''S-so, where are we going?'' I ask.

''Na-ah, I'm not gonna tell you, it's a surprise!'' Gilbert says. ''You'll see, just wait!''

''Okay…''

I wonder where we're going. We can't do very much, because it's Sunday so all the shops are closed.

We chat until Gilbert parks the car and says ''We're here!''. I open the door, and see we're in front of a huge building I've never seen before. It looks old from the outside, very old. It looks like an old Italian building, it's nice.

''Where are we?''

Gilbert stands beside me, and says, ''At the Roman museum! Like it?''

Roman museum… Wow. That's pretty cool. I really like art, how cool! I never knew we had a museum like this. It must be close, we only drove for 30 minutes or so.

''Yeah, I like it.'' I say. ''Is this because of the text…?''

''Yeah, I wanted to go on an awesome date with you, so that's why I asked what you liked!''

He asked me what I liked, while it was like 4:30 in the morning. Did he plan all of this in the middle of the night? I look at his face a little better… He has little bags under his eyes. Did he do all this for me?

* * *

After a long time, we get back from the museum. The museum was fun. At first, we looked at the paintings, like we should. But then I saw that Gilbert got bored. He claimed he was enjoying himself, but I could tell he wasn't. We sat down on the couch in front of a beautiful painting, and we talked. And talked. And laughed. And annoyed very many people, but we didn't really care.

Now, we're outside. It's 16:34, and we're hungry. ''Shall we eat over there, in that restaurant?'' Gilbert asks while pointing at a small building. ''Sure''

Gilbert grabs my hand and takes me to the restaurant. He looks at me and smiles his beautiful smile again. We go inside and sit down.

''The museum was really fun, Matty! Did you enjoyed it as well?''

I look up, and smile.

''Yes, yes it was. Thank you for taking me there.'' Gilbert grabs the menu and looks it over. ''Are you hungry?'' He asks.

I put my hand on my stomach. I was hungry all day, because I didn't eat. I didn't even want to eat with Arthurs horrible sounds.

''Yes, actually I am. I didn't eat all day.''

Why am I saying this? Gilbert looks at me, ''Why didn't you eat? Are you alright?''

Huh? He isn't thinking something is wrong with me, right? Maple, he doesn't have anything to worry about!

''Yes, yes, I'm fine! It's just that Arthur was really sick this morning and…'' It's not very charming to tell him this, is it? No one wants to know this. I'm being stupid again. ''… No, nothing, never mind, haha. Nothing important anyway''

Gilbert gives me a worried looks. ''You sure?''

''Yeah, totally.''

'''… Okay then.''

The waitress comes and takes our orders. Gilbert asks for a würst and beer, and I order some waffles. ''Do you like sweet food?'' Gilbert asks. ''Yes, very much.'' I answer. Gilbert smiles.

''Good to know. I seem to get to know you better more and more. The more we talk, the more I like you.''

Time for me to blush again…

* * *

Meanwhile… Alfreds POV

Haha, this is so funny! Arthur can't take much alcohol, he knows that, but he still drinks like an idiot!

Arthur is lying on the couch right now, and I'm sitting in the chair, drinking some Cola. It's silent, until I slurp the last bit in my mouth. He doesn't seem to like that, hehehe…

''Alfred, for Heavens sake, could you stop slurping please?''

I stop slurping, and yell ''Oopsie, sorry Artie!''

I am so evil. But this is just freakin' hilarious.

It's silent again. I relax, but feel that something isn't right… Something is missing.

''Hey Arthur, where's Matt?''

Arthur growls and mumbles an ''on a date.''

I frown. Matt never dates. He's always alone, in his room or outside. I think. I don't really mind him actually.

''Date? With who?''

''God, Alfred, don't talk so loud… With Gilbert.''

Gilbert… Gilbert… Gilbert… I don't think I know anyone named 'Gilbert'.

''Who's that?''

Arthur looks up.

''Gilbert, you know.'' I still don't get it. Who's Gilbert? What a weird name. Arthur sighs,

''You know, Prussia?''

…

''WHAT?!''

* * *

Matthew's POV again.

''… And then Feliks said: 'Like, never! Nu-uh!' and Elizaveta was pissed off!''

''Hahaha!''

We both laugh. We already ate our food, but we didn't feel like leaving, so we're just sitting here, talking about nothing.

''Haha, I never really met Feliks, but that does sound like him!'' I say.

''Yeah, the way he talks is actually pretty aweso-'' My phone rings.

''Oh sorry!'' I take out my phone and look who's calling. I frown. Alfred is calling? I want to turn my phone off, but Gilbert says:

''Shouldn't you be answering that? Maybe it's important.''

I giggle. ''Alfred never says anything that important.''

But Gilbert doesn't think it's funny. ''Just answer it, I don't mind Matty. Maybe it is important!''

''… Okay…'' I push a button and say ''He-'' That's all I could say, because Alfred is yelling to me. Not yelling in a super-hyper-happy voice, but a really angry one.

''WHERE ARE YOU?!''

I keep my phone from my ear a bit.

''I-I-I'm in the city, why? What's wrong?''

''Arthur told me you were on a date! With Gilles!''

''His name is Gilbert…'' Maple! Arthur promised me he wouldn't tell! I knew that Alfred would get angry. It's always been like this. If a person came to close to me, and Alfred saw that, then Alfred made them go away. 'I don't want you to get hurt' he said. It's not fair!

Gilbert is worried, I can see it. He looks at me with a 'is-everything-alright?' face.

''What's wrong with that?'' I ask, raising my voice slightly.

''It's.. Just… You just can't- Tell me where you are, I'm coming to pick you up right now!''

It's… always… like this…

-Flashback-

_Francis and I are at the beach, sitting in the sand next to each other. _

''_Ah, Mathieu,'' Francis says, ''it's so nice to be here with you, ma chérie.''_

''_Yeah, I really like it here with you Francis. Thank you again for your gift.''_

_Francis smiles and puts some hair behind his ear. ''Pas de probleme, Mathieu. I'm glad you like it.'' _

_It's my birthday today, I'm 13 years old now. Francis took me to the beach, to look at the sunset. It's lovely._

_An annoying sound comes up from behind us. We turn around, and see Alfred running towards us. His face is all red, and he looks pissed off. Alfred grabs me by my arm, and before he drags me home, he yells '' Don't touch my brother, you filthy jerk!'' to Francis._

''_Alfred, what are you doing?!'' I say._

''_I'm saving your butt! You should thank me!''_

''_No, Alfred!'' I'm trying to free myself, but Alfred's stronger than me._

''_Let me go! Why can't I sit there with Francis?''_

_Alfred's still dragging me, forcing me to walk with him. He walks really fast, so I almost fall._

''_Because…'' Alfred pants, ''… You-you just can't!''_

-End of flashback-

''… No Alfred. I'm staying here, with Gilbert.'' Gilbert looks at me again, hearing his name for the second time.

''No, you come home, right now! I don't want you to stay any longer with that… that-''

I quickly push the red button. I don't want to hear what Alfred thinks of Gilbert. I put my phone on 'silent mode' and put it back in my pocket.

''Sorry about that… So, we were talking about Feliks and Eliza right?''

Gilbert is silent.

''Gil?''

''I'm bringing you home Matty.''

''… What?! No! Why?'' Gilbert doesn't answer me, but pays the bill.

''Put on your coat, we're leaving.'' Gilbert grabs both our coats, and takes me outside.

''Gilbert, what are you doing?''

But I'm being ignored as he takes my hand and brings me towards the car. Without a word, we get in. He starts the car, and drives. Then I ask him again, ''Why are you taking me home? I thought you had fun!''

''I did. I mean, I do, and I do like you, but I don't want any problems.'' Before I can ask what he means, he continues. So I stay silent and let him speak.

''I heard your brother yelling on the phone. He's worried about you, that's understandable. I'm bringing you home so that maybe he'll understand us too.''

My thoughts are one big mess again.

* * *

Gilbert parked his car, but we're still sitting inside. ''Gilbert, I'm so sorry, Alfred is just-''

''No, don't apologize, it's fine.'' Gilbert gives that gentle smile again, I can feel myself melting. ''It's fine, really. You should discuss this with Alfred. I don't want to get you in any trouble, okay?''

I don't answer. Gilbert comes a little closer, and puts his hand on mine. ''Okay?''

''O-okay.''

We get out of the car, and walk to the house. ''Wait'' Gilbert says when I almost went to open the door. Gilbert comes closer, until I can feel his breath.

''I just wanted to say, that I had an awesome day, and that I really like you.'' He bends forward and gives me a kiss on my cheek. My heart is beating faster, my face is heating up, and I can feel my knees getting weaker.

Then, Alfred opened the front door and saw us.

''WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BROTHER?!'' Alfred yells.

Gilbert immediately stands right up, and is shocked. But he recovers and says ''I brought Matthew home safely.'' Then he turns to me and whispers ''Call me''. Alfred is furious, he looks ready to punch Gilbert in the face. But instead, he grabs my arm, takes me inside the house, ''Wait, Gilbert! Wait!'' and slams the door shut.

Alfred lets go of me, and crosses his arm. It's silent.

''So, you're gonna tell me what happened or what?'' Alfred demands. I am so pissed off. Calm down Matthew, you've had this a lot of times before, just… play along…

''Well?'' He looks me right into my eyes. Alfred grabs my shoulders and shakes me, ''WHAT DID HE DO TO YOU?!''

That's it. I've had enough of this. I'm always ignored, invisible. No one cares about me. But when I'm having fun, they take away everything. Then, I have to start over. Always, always, always like this… I don't want this anymore!

''Matt! Tell me! What did-''

''SHUT UP!''

Wow, I yelled. This wasn't my usual whisper-yell, I just yelled. For real.

''SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!''

''… Matt?''

''I'll tell you exactly what happened, but then you'll have to listen to me! I know it's hard for you, but LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE!''

Alfred is dumbstruck. ''… All right…''

''This is what happened: Gilbert asked me on a date, I said yes, we went on a date, we had fun, until you ruined it! You just had to be selfish, egocentric, only think of yourself, and ruin my date!''

''Matt, I only did it because-''

''No, this time, I'm interrupting you! I'm not going to listen to you! You always ignore me, I'm always invisible, but when I'm having fun, you ruin it! It's enough!''

With that, I open the door, and I want to run. Until I hear a soft sound coming from behind my back. And more. I hear sobbing sounds.

I turn around slowly, and see that Alfred's crying softly. ''… Alfred?''

''Never mind me'' Alfred says. He grabs his coat and takes his leave. ''I'm going to Arthur.''

Hey, I was going to leave! But, Alfred cried? I didn't see that a lot.

He closes the door, and he's gone. The house is silent. I'm still at the front door, thinking about what just happened. After a few minutes, someone knocks on the door. I rub my eyes, to dry my tears quickly, and open the door. It's Gilbert.

''… Matty?''

I can't hold my tears back anymore, and I break down. I cry, all the tears are floating out. Gilbert hugs me, his arms around me, protecting me.

I really screwed up this time.

**A/N nooooooes :0 I am true evil, aren't I? :P Please tell me if you see grammar errors, I will do a better spell check tomorrow. Please tell me what you think of this chapter, because I have the feeling something isn't quite right in here. **

**Please remember that English is my second language, so don't flame me please!**

**Okay, thanks for reading, please review!**


	3. Confusion

**A/N Aw yea, I got some good news! I got a beta reader :D So, a big thanks to coolcat101s for correcting the grammar, and helping me with this fanfic. -You rock-**

**Also, someone PM'ed me to ask if there is going to be lemon. Errr... I don't know guys! I'm just starting this! I can't- Well, I uh... Err... Let's get on with the fic, shall we?**

I'm lying in my bed, thinking of everything that happened today. But everything is a mess in my head, I can't think clear. Time to make a list.

Stuff that happened today

I had a date with Gilbert

Arthur didn't keep his promise to keep that a secret from Alfred

Alfred found out and got mad

He went to Arthur's place

Gilbert comforted me

I messed up everything

Lists always help me think better.

Why is Alfred mad at me?

I kept the date a secret

He doesn't seem to like Gilbert

He's overprotective

Okay, this is what happened after Gilbert brought me home. Gilbert was worried about Alfred and me, so he didn't go home immediately. He waited in the car. When he saw me opening the door, and Alfred walking out, he came to me to see what happened. When Gilbert comforted me, he offered me to sleep at his place, but I told him I was alright. I wasn't alright of course, but I just needed some time alone to think. To make lists.

So here I am. Making lists, while I'm crying. I feel so lonely, but I need to think this over. When will Alfred come back? When will he be able to talk to me again? I wonder if he's ever going to listen to me. My anger got out of hand yesterday, I told him things I didn't want him to hear. I was just so angry, but I didn't mean everything! I need him to know that, but he probably won't listen to me now. I just need to say that I'm sorry.

Alfred please come back soon…

Gilbert is probably worrying himself crazy. He refused to leave; it wasn't until after I told him for the 43rd time that I really was fine that he left. I know that he still doesn't believe me, but he did leave.

…

This doesn't feel good.

I've always been alone. No one saw me, so no one talked to me. I was used to being alone, I was fine by myself. But now… Now I feel like I don't want to be alone. I-I want Gilbert to… To hold me…

Gilbert was right. I shouldn't have forced him to leave. I want him to cuddle me. I want him to be here with me now. He left 5 minutes ago; maybe, just maybe he would come back?

I can always try, right? I grab my cell phone from my nightstand, and dial Gilbert's number. He picks up almost immediately.

''Matty? What's wrong?''

A tear rolls down my cheek. I sniff,

''… Sorry… You were right. I should've never made you leave. I'm sorry… Can you still come back?''

''You scared me! I thought something terrible happened or something. Sure, no problem, I'm coming your way now!''

''Thanks…''

And I hung up. I'm glad he isn't mad at me for making him come back when he just left.

I go to the kitchen to get something to drink and sit on the couch to watch some TV. Spongebob, I need you to make me feel less sad.

Ten minutes later, the doorbell rings. That must be Gilbert. I rush to the door, almost falling in the process, and open it.

''Gilbert!''

Gilbert looks at me, directly into my eyes. It's like he's looking into my soul. We both stand there silently, just gazing into each other's eyes. Gilbert breaks the silence by coming closer, and slowly, he hugs me.

''Matthew, you're not alright at all, are you?'' I let my head fall onto his shoulder.

''… No…''

''Let's go inside.'' He grabs my hand and takes me inside. I quickly close the door before Gilbert takes me to the couch. We sit down, and he lets me lean on his shoulder. Gilbert plays with my hair, and says ''Tell me.''

I look up, ''Huh? What do you want me to tell you?''

Gilbert puts my head back on his shoulder. ''Everything that's bothering you. I'm all ears.'' So, I told Gilbert everything. Everything that's bothering me. About me being invisible, being used to feeling lonely, over-protective Alfred, the fight Alfred and I just had, and more. I told him everything, there's nothing to hide anymore. Gilbert nodded sometimes, and hugged me.

''Wow,'' Gilbert says. ''Did he really leave like that? He didn't say anything else?''

''No,'' I sniff. ''He said 'never mind me' and went to Arthur's.''

''Hmm.'' I'm really tired, I feel like I can almost fall asleep right here on Gilberts shoulder…

''Do you feel better now you've talked about everything?''

''Yes, thank you Gilbert.''

Gilbert gives me a kiss on my forehead. I feel so safe when I'm with him. His arms around me, I feel his warmth, his breath, I can feel his heart beating. I slowly fall asleep…

* * *

''Matthew! Run! Don't look back, run!''

Gilbert lies on the ground, in the mud. He has blood on his face, and his leg is bleeding. It's war, but I can't seem to remember a war between Prussia and America… It starts to rain,

''B-b-but Gil-''

''GO!''

I take one step back, then turn around and run. If Gilbert says so, then I should run! But after 5 meters, I stop. I can't run… Literally and figuratively. I can't leave Gilbert, but my legs are also… frozen. I can't move!

I turn my body to look at Gilbert. He's not looking up anymore, I think he's unconscious. I can see Alfred walking to Gilbert. He grabs Gilberts sword with two hands and raises his arms.

''Alfred! What are you-''

It almost looks like Alfred wants to… kill… Gilbert…?

''Alfred, no! NO!''

He raises his hands a little more, and then pushes the sword into Gilberts chest.

* * *

''GILBERT!''

I sit right up, and can only think of one person. Gilbert! Where- why- what-…

I look up, and see our living room. No mud, no rain, no darkness… Just our living room. It was a dream. No, a nightmare. A horrible nightmare. Alfred wanted to kill Gilbert, oh my maple.

How did I get on the couch? … Oh right, Gilbert was here yesterday. Then, we talked- I mean, I talked, and I guess I fell asleep on the couch? But where's Gilbert?

I put my feet on the ground and stand up, when I see a note on the table.

_Matty,_

_I'm glad that you called me to come back yesterday. Anyway, you fell asleep on my shoulder (very cute) and I let you sleep on me. I left early because I didn't want to run into your brother (don't know if he came home already), since he doesn't like me. I don't want to cause a fight. Call me when you need me, I'll be there for you._

_Love, the awesome me._

I smile. That's so sweet of him. Too bad he didn't want to stay, but I can understand why. I don't know when Alfred will be home, soon I hope. I want to talk and get the fight out of our way. I want Alfred to accept Gilbert, I mean; Alfred is dating a guy too! Why can't I date a guy? It's so unfair.

Let's eat something first. I'm hungry…

I go to the kitchen and get some bread. What to put on my bread… Aha! Peanut butter jelly time! Yum!

I eat, shower and get dressed. Now I can start mission 'Get my mind off things'.

I go upstairs to my room, I want to paint. When I walk towards my room, I see that the door is open. That's… weird. My door is always closed.

''Hey there!'' That's Kumajirou's voice. I search and find a little black nose peaking from behind my bedroom door. I smile, and walk to Kuma.

''Hey you,'' I say as I pick up the bear, ''How are you?''

I never should've asked.

''Horrible! I want other food, because what I got now stinks! And my bed is stupid, so I used this bed! And,''

''Kuma'' I try to interrupt, but Kumamata doesn't hear me. Seriously, he used my bed! What's wrong with his bed?

''I want to go outside more; you never take me with you anymore. Also,''

''Kuma''

''you shouldn't let strangers in your room anymore. Therefore-''

''Kuma!'' The bear stops talking and looks up. Wait, strangers? What strangers?

''Yeah what?''

''Who opened the door?''

Kumachiki wriggles in my arms. ''I'll tell ya if you put me down!''

I put Kuma down, and squat so I can look at Kuma easier.

''… Why are you looking at me like that?'' Kuma asks.

''What do you mean? You're going to tell me who opened-''

He seems to remember. ''Right right right. It was a white person with a red scarf. Now, I want to go outside!''

That must be Gilbert! What was he doing in my room? I probably can't get more answers of Kumakiwi. I'll call Gilbert later. I scoop the bear into my arms and make my way to the back door. Kumachigi did have point after all. I haven't let him go outside in what? One? Two days? Maybe more? I set him down on the ground and let him roam off. He'll come back later, when he gets hungry. He might complain about the food I give him but he knows he's better off eating that then putting in the effort required for hunting.

I make my way back inside. I try to set up inside but I kept getting distracted by the thought of going outside. Today is a really nice day. I shouldn't waste it by staying indoors.

With that thought I begin moving all my supplies- my easel, canvas, some brushes, and several bottles of paint in all different colors- outside. After setting everything up I began to paint.

I don't know how long I had been painting before I was interrupted mid stroke.

''Hey, I'm bored!'' I look down to see Kuma. He have come back while I was painting.

''.. Then go do something. The weather is beautiful, go back to playing in the grass or something.''

''No, I did that already'' He says stubborn, ''I want to go out! Take me somewhere!''

I think for a few seconds. Go out… Yeah, I think I could use that actually. I can go to- Oh I have an idea!

''Alright,'' I say to the polar bear. ''I'll take you to a place we haven't been to since a long time ago. Sounds good?'' But Kuma doesn't really seem to care, as long as he can go somewhere.

''Sure, whatever!''

I clean up the mess I made, and get ready. Today, I don't want to think about Alfred. I'm gonna distract myself, just for one day. I'll deal with everything tomorrow, but now, I'm taking a day off.

* * *

''No I don't want to get in the car!'' Kuma whines. He's holding my leg, and I was just about to get in.

''Come on Kuma, it's only for a little bit!''

''No! I want to be outside, and not in a stinky car!'' Oh, why must he complain so much?

''Come on Kumakawa, I promises it'll be fun when we arrive.'' I look at Kuma, and try to convince him. ''Please? I'll give you treats if you get in.''

He seems interested now. ''How many?''

''I'll give you 3 treats.''

Kuma shakes his head.

''I'll give you 5 if you don't bother me while I'm driving.'' Kuma is really good at distracting me while I'm driving. He almost caused an accident one time. But I can't tell anyone that, that would be weird. Picture this: I'm at the police station, and I tell them that my polar bear was talking too much and annoyed me while driving. Yeah, they're never going to believe that. They'll think that I'm nuts.

''Fine.'' Kuma huffs. I smile at him,

''Good, now let's go.''

I put Kumadewa in the backseat, and get in myself. Before I start the car, Kuma complains.

''Why am I in the back? I don't want to be in the back!''

I sigh. ''You're in the backseat because that's the safest place for you.''

I turn the key and start the car. Kuma climbs to the seat next to me, and starts pushing buttons on the radio. He accidentally pushes on the 'CD' button and the music that's still in the machine starts playing.

''Oh this song is nice!'' Kuma says. And together we sing along with the chorus.

- Sweet home Alabama

Where the skies are so blue

Sweet home Alabama

Lord, I'm coming home to You –

It's actually pretty fun in here.

''Hey,'' Kuma says after a while. ''Who's car is this anyway?''

''It's from …Alfred and me. Why?''

Kumajirou ignores my question. ''Who is Alfred?'' He's a person who doesn't accept me for who I am. Who doesn't accept the one I like. He- alright Matthew you planned this day to forget him, not to remember him.

''Alfred, my brother, remember? He's America.''

''Right! America, your brother. And you are?''

''I'm Canada, your owner! Matthew!''

This goes on for a while…

* * *

There's an hour of driving before we arrive, but finally we're here. I park the car and get Kuma and myself out. I pick up Kuma and lock the door, before I walk to the house where I want to go.

''Where are- oh I remember this place!'' Kuma says happily.

''This is where the weird talking guy lives!''

''Yes,'' I say smiling, ''That's right. We're gonna pay him a visit. I hope he's home.''

I stand in front of the door, and take a deep breath before I ring the bell. It's silent for a few seconds, but then I can hear footsteps. Someone fiddles with the lock, and the door opens, revealing a man. I look up, but the man doesn't say anything, he just looks at me. Until he recognises me.

''Mathieu?'' He says.

''Hi Francis…''

Francis looks at me, and he smiles. ''Mathieu! What a surprise!''

''Hey! I'm here too!'' Yells Kumajirou.

''Ah, of course!'' Francis pets Kuma on the head, ''How nice to see you two!''

Francis is my childhood friend. He almost asked me for a date one time, but Alfred interrupted. After that, Alfred forbade me to see Francis ever again. Sure, I sneaked out a couple of times but Alfred caught me one time. After that, Alfred's wish came true. I never saw Francis again. But that was years ago, so I guess it's fine now. Oh, what am I saying? Alfred would never accept this! But he's at Arthur's place so… I guess it's fine then, right?

''Come in, come in, ma chérie!'' Francis takes a step back so that I can step in. After he closes the door, he leads me to the garden. ''It's been so long Mathieu! So long!''

When we arrive in the garden… I'm speechless. Francis' garden was always beautiful, but this was… Wow. Flowers everywhere, a few trees with grapes, and a grass field. Maybe it's more beautiful because it's a sunny day.

''So, want something to drink?'' Francis asks.

''S-sure, anything is fine.'' I put Kumachika next to me on the ground.

''Don't break or ruin anything, okay?'' I say to the small polar bear.

''Pff! Like I would!'' And Kuma walks towards the grass field. Francis is back, with wine of course. No problem, I like wine.

''So,'' Francis says when he poured wine in the glasses, ''what brings you here?''

''Nothing special actually.'' I start, ''I just wanted to see my childhood friend.''

Francis' smile is gone. ''Mathieu.'' He says seriously. He looks at me, ''I know you long enough to know that that's a lie.''

Oh right. That's true, Francis always knows when I lie and when I'm speaking the truth. Back then, he always knew when I lied. Nice start of this conversation…

''… Sorry. I just.. I-I don't want to throw all my problems on you…'' I look down while I continue, ''But things haven't been that good lately. So, I decided I wanted to take a day off. That's why I'm here.'' I feel so foolish. It sounds like I'm using Francis to distract my self from… Yeah, I'm not going to start that again.

Francis puts his index finger under my chin and makes me look at him.

''You haven't changed at all. You're still cute.'' I look in Francis' eyes, and can't look anywhere else. Until my phone beeps.

''O-oh, sorry!'' I say. Francis sighs and sits back.

''No problem.''

I take my mobile phone out, and look who texted me. It's from Gilbert.

Hey Matty! How's 

everything? Did

Alfred call yet?

We can go out on

another date if you

want to!

Oh, right. I forgot to tell him that I was going to visit someone. I have to text him back.

''S-s-sorry, this is important, is it okay if I text back quickly?'' I ask. I think it's really rude to text or call while visiting, but I can't ignore Gilbert's text.

''Sure,'' Francis smiles, ''on one condition.'' I freeze.

''… And that is?'' I hope he's not asking weird things.

''You'll tell me who texted you.'' Francis pours another glass of wine for himself. Why would he want to know that?

''A-alright.''

I quickly text back.

Alfred is still at

Arthur's place. I

need some time

to think, so I'll

call you tomorrow

okay? Thanks

for being so 

concerned.

I put my phone back in my pocket.

''That person must be very special to you, no?'' Francis says. I freeze.

''H-how do you k-know?''

Francis giggles a bit, ''Your face got all red, and you just looked so happy.'' My face is red? I hope it doesn't gets red every time I think of Gilbert…

France takes a sip of his wine,

''I-it's from Gilbert.'' and spits it out. Shocked, I look at Francis.

''A-a-are you alright? Francis, what's wrong?!''

He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, and asks, ''Gilbert?''

I nod. Francis seems very surprised.

''What's wrong with Gilbert?'' I ask.

''Nothing, nothing, it just surprised me. I never thought that Gilbert would… Now I think about it, it makes sense.'' Francis relaxes again and sits back.

What is he talking about? ''What do you mean?''

Francis smiles, ''Well, you know what they say, opposites attract. And I must say, Gilbert doesn't act anything like you.''

That's true, I heard that to. And it's also true that we're polar opposites of each other. I ean, he's loud, and I'm silent. He's hyper, and I'm calm. He says he's awesome at random times, I don't. Everyone always notices him, and I'm invisible.

… Wait a minute…

Oh. My. Maple. No way. This can't be possible.

''Mathieu? Hello? Mathieeuuuu~?'' Francis waves his hand in front of my eyes, and I snap out of my thoughts.

''Are you alright?'' Francis' eyes show that he's concerned. Very concerned.

''Y-yes… Sorry I was just… t-thinking about some things.''

''Like what? Come on, you can tell me.''

Francis can be a great speaker and all, but he can listen very well too. He always listened to me when I had problems. I knew I could trust him. Just like now. I know I can trust him, but I feel guilty. I mean, I just walk in here for the first time in years without calling or anything, and then I tell him how horrible my life is, and then I go home again. That's rude.

''I-I don't want to bother you with my problems. Tell me something about you instead, Francis.''

Francis thinks for a few seconds, and then says, ''These past years I dated a few people, it all didn't work out, so I'm single again. Done. Now you, ma chérie.''

''… All right then, if you really want to listen… I'm currently dating Gilbert, but Alfred doesn't like him. Alfred hates everyone who wants to date me. Now Alfred and I got in a fight, and he's at Arthur's place. That's it so far.''

''Hmm? Alfred doesn't want you to date while he's dating himself?''

I nod. ''Well,'' Francis says, ''I guess he didn't change either.''

''And… when you talked about people who don't act alike, I… discovered something.''

Francis looks at me, waiting for me to continue.

''I was thinking about the stuff that Gilbert and I don't have in common and… Well, in the end, err…'' How am I going to say this? Why am I even saying this anyway? With my head down, I say quickly,

''Gilberts act like Alfred.''

Francis doesn't answer. When I look up, I see that he's thinking.

''Oui… You may be right, Mathieu.''

I feel… defeated, somehow. The one I like acts like my brother, who I don't like at the moment.

''But,'' Francis begins, ''he's different, no? He may be as hyper as Alfred, but Gilbert notices you more I guess. I don't know much about your relationship, but you don't have to worry. Gilbert will always be different from Alfred, and you know that.''

He's right. I'm probably just stressing myself out because I thought about the fight AGAIN. I'm getting so tired of myself.

''Je suis désolé. I'm sorry. You don't want to think about it, and all I'm doing is ask about it, silly moi!'' Francis says while laughing.

''It's fine…''

''I think I know something that might distract you of your problems.'' Francis says. I look up.

''Really? Like what?''

Francis gives one of his perverted laughs. Oh oh, this can't be good…

''Honhonhon, we're going to get dinner somewhere, and have a pleasant time. Just the two of us. Sounds good, no?''

I look away, ''Err, I don't know Francis…''

''Oh?'' Francis says, ''What? Scared that your boyfriend might think that we're on a date? Honhonhon~''

My face gets red, I can feel it. I look away, ''Wh-what are you saying…''

France comes closer, and puts his hand on my cheek.

''Because I really like the idea of us dating.'' I'm silent. I don't know what to say or do, and I can't move. What is Francis doing? I told him that I'm dating Gilbert, right? Or is this something that the French do?

''No matter how many years passed or how many people I dated, I couldn't forget about you. It's too bad that Alfred forbid you to see me, because otherwise I could've told you this way earlier.''

Francis comes even closer, and puts his other hand on my other cheek. He holds my face up, so I can't look anywhere else other than his eyes.

''Mathieu,'' He says, ''Je t'aime. I love you.''

Francis pulls my face towards him, until our lips almost touch. He pulls me closer, closer, closer…

No no no, this isn't right! What is he doing?! I… I can't let this happen!

I quickly push Francis away. He's surprised, but doesn't let my face go. Oh right, I forgot that I'm not strong. At all.

''Francis, let me go! I don't want this!''

After a few seconds, Francis lets go of my face, but grabs my shoulder. He's still so close.

''Francis!'' I look down and say with a red face, ''I.. I already have a s-special someone!'' Francis brings my face up and looks into my eyes. His eyes are full of sadness.

''Hey!'' A little voice from beneath says. I look down, and see it's Kumadewa.

''You heard him! You can't press your faces together! Or whatever it is you did.'' Kuma growls at Francis.

Francis lets go off me, and I pick up Kumajirou. Without looking at Francis, I say, ''I think we need to go… Bye Francis.''

I walk to the door, and then run through the house. I don't look back, and run to the car. I get in, put Kuma next to me and feel my pockets for the keys.

The… keys… I search but I can't feel the car keys in either of my pockets. Oh no…

''Hey, looking for something?'' I look to Kumakichi, who has the car keys in his mouth. A sigh of relieve escapes from my lips. ''Thank you Kumakiwi!''

I quickly start the car a drive us home.

The only thing that I wanted was one day, just one day to have some fun and forget about Alfred. But instead, someone other then Gilbert almost kissed me. I need to go home. I have to call Gilbert. He'll probably get mad. And I have to call Alfred too. What idiot came up with the idea to visit Francis? Oh right, that was mine. Francis loves me, Gilbert likes me, Alfred hates me… Why must everything be so complicated?

I need to make a list.

**A/N so, what do you think? Was it good? Because I think this chapter was crap xD Please review! Next chapter, I'm going to give you all some fluff ^^ Yeah you deserved it.**


	4. Acceptance

**A/N Eheheh... It's been a little while hmm? Yeah well I don't have any excuses actually. My school hasn't started yet muaahahaha! Okay my first schoolday is in two days. Aaaand I have some bad news. It's a really short chapter this time. Sorry sorry sorry! Eheh... ^_^'' But, as promised, there is some fluff in here ;) And a big thanks coolcat101s for correcting the grammar mistakes :D**

**ANYWAY... Here ya go c:**

* * *

When I'm back home, I grab my cell phone and dial Alfred's number. I want to talk to him as soon as possible. After a few seconds, I hear Alfred's grumpy voice.

''Yes?''

''A-Alfred… We need to talk.''

It's silent for a while before Alfred finally admits that I'm right.

''Uhuh.''

''Can you… come home now?''

''Actually, I'm already on my way. I'm almost there.'' I can hear that he actually doesn't want to come home. Well, too bad for him! It's necessary.

''Alright.''

And Alfred breaks the contact. He was already on his way. Well that was unexpected. Was he coming home because he wanted to see me too? Or because he needed something?

I walk to the kitchen, and get myself a glass of water. Just when I'm about to take a sip, someone is at the door. If that's Alfred, he sure was almost here. I hear the door open. I peek from behind the wall, and see Alfred walking in. He closes the door behind him and turns around. We make eye contact, before I put down my glass and take a few steps in his direction. We stand in silence; neither of us wants to talk first.

This is really awkward.

I force my soft voice to talk. ''Hey Alfred.''

He doesn't look at me, and puts his hand in his pockets.

''Hey.''

We're not making any progress this way, are we? Fine, if he doesn't want to talk first… Then I guess I have to.

''I-I want to talk to you… a-a-about our-''

''Our fight, I know I know.''

Alfred walks past me, bumping against my shoulder lightly.

''Oh, sorry''

How childish. He takes a seat on the couch, and makes himself comfortable.

''Well,'' He starts, ''It's easy. You stop dating Gilbert. End of story.''

This is not going well, I had hoped that he'd accept Gilbert. But nooooo, he thinks he can have everything his way.

''Don't start this fight again Alfred, I like Gilbert, what's wrong with that?''

''Everything.''

Alfred is sitting there, looking pissed off. He back home for two minutes, and he's already making this worse. Gosh… I walk to him, and sit next to him. Apparently Alfred thinks I'm sitting too close to him, because he pushes himself away from me a little bit.

''Alfred,'' I look up to him. ''Please tell me what's bothering you. You're happy with Arthur, right? So why can't I be happy with Gilbert?''

Alfred turns his face away, and mumbles a ''Nothing.''

I sigh, ''Come on, I know something is bothering you. It's not only Gilbert, is it?''

It takes a few seconds of thinking before Alfred gives in.

''…Fine.'' He turns so he's facing me. ''I don't- I think that-… It's just…''

''… What?'' I ask.

''… You're my brother, and I want what's best for you, and… err… I just think that if you're gay, you might be… less happy then when you're straight.''

… Huh? That's… weird. Isn't he gay himself? What is he talking about?

''What do you mean?''

''Well,'' He blushes a bit. ''When Arthur and I came out, some people didn't accept us. We thought that we could handle it, but it's a lot more difficult than it looks.''

''But you guys are happy together right?''

''Yeah we totally are, but the fact that we're both guys… some people just don't like that. And I don't want you to go through all the trouble I had.''

''I don't see the problem Alfred.''

I really don't see the problem. Of course some people aren't accepting gays, but that's humanity. He's talking about people who aren't accepting gays, but he's gay himself and he doesn't accept me! This is just ridiculous.

''Why can't Gilbert and I date?''

Alfred doesn't answer.

''Don't you think I can decide for myself who I'm dating?'' I ask.

''Yeah, I know, I know, I guess I'm just a bit… protective.''

A bit? Dude…

''So… is this fight over?'' Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes.

''I guess.'' Yes! I feel happy, until… ''But I still don't like that you're dating Gilbert.''

Alfred looks at me as if to ask 'is that okay?'

… But that was the point of this… My brother is really weird. Oh well.

''I can live with that.''

* * *

Alfred invited Arthur over, they're watching a movie. We the three of us ate dinner, and I'm in my room now. I really want to see Gilbert, but I don't know if I should tell Alfred or not.

…

I can always tell him I'm going out for a walk. Maybe he'll buy it. Or I can sneak through the back door. Or climb out of my window. Or or or…

What am I thinking? He probably won't even notice if I'm going out. I mean, he never sees me, so why would he this time? Arthur might be a problem, he sees me more than Alfred. But I think he can keep a secret.

Oh wait. He can't. He told Alfred about Gilbert before. You know, whatever, I'm going! What am I thinking; I can go out if I want to! I can see my friend whenever I want, I don't need my brother's permission for that.

I take out my cell phone and call Gilbert.

''Heyah Matty! 'Sup?''

''Hi Gilbert. Uhm, do you have something to do?''

''Nu-uh! Want me to pick you up?''

''Sur- oh, no wait, err, can I meet you somewhere?''

''Of course! I'll meet you at the Italian restaurant, 'kay?''

The Italian restaurant wasn't that far away. It's only three blocks. How far away would that be from Gilbert's place? Where does he live? I don't even know, how terrible of me.

''Okay. See you soon.''

''Bye!''

Let's try to get out of here.

* * *

I'm standing against the wall, listening to Alfred and Arthur in the other room. I have to walk down this hall, without them seeing me. I get my back off the wall. On the left side of me, there is an archway. The front door is just a few feet ahead of me. All I need to do is get past the archway.

I think I'm going to try this, just walking. Who knows, maybe they won't see me. Hm, that'd be easy! Let's do this.

I carefully peak from behind the wall, and see that Alfred and Arthur are cuddling on the couch. They have their eyes on the TV, so I guess I can walk. I quickly take a few steps, as silent as I can be.

Well, that was easy.

I grab my coat, and open the door. And right at that moment, the door has to make the loudest sound it has ever made.

''Matt?''

Maple.

I hear someone standing up and walking towards me. Probably Alfred.

''Matt where are ya goin'?''

Normally I'd turn around and explain what I'm doing, but I don't feel like doing that. No, this is my chance to get away. I open the door, say

''I'm going out, bye!'',

close the door and I'm out! I run, while I hear the door open again.

''Matt! The heck?! What are ya doing?!''

I don't stop, but yell ''Going out!'' and run to the restaurant.

* * *

What am I doing? I'm an idiot! I just ran away from home! Well, not exactly, I mean, I'm coming home again, but what am I doing?! I made a fool of myself.

I'm leaning against the window of the restaurant, not caring about the people who are staring. If they even are staring. I don't know, maybe they're not even looking at me…

''Hey Matty!''

I look aside, and see Gilbert running towards me. A smile immediately appears on my face, and I feel happy. When Gilbert stands in front of me, he's breathing heavily.

''Hi Gilbert.'' I say.

He stands up straight and hugs me. My eyes widen in surprise before I put my arms around his back. And we just stand there for a while. I close my eyes, and let my chin rest on his shoulder. My nose in Gilbert's hair and neck. He smells delicious, I'll never get enough of Gilbert's scent. It's so soft, sweet, and nice… And he's warm. That's also very nice, it's a bit cold tonight. Gilbert pulls away, and asks

''Shall we go to my place?''

His place… I've never been there before. I wonder what it looks like.

''Yeah, okay.''

Gilbert smiles and begins walking.

''it's that way, it's 10 minutes walking from here.''

''O-okay.''

He grabs my hand and we start walking. I immediately blush, but I let him hold my hand. It feels nice. I look at his face, and see that Gilbert is blushing a bit too. Gilbert notices that I'm looking at him, and he looks at me too. We stop walking and gaze into each other's eyes. After a few seconds Gilbert raises his hand, and touches my cheek. He caresses it, and then lets his hand slide to my hair. It feels nice… His fingers go through my hair, not playing with it but just touching. I probably looked at Gilbert with a shocked expression, because when he makes eye contact with me again, he immediately pulls away.

Gilbert apologises. ''Oh, sorry, I don't know what I was doing!''

''No, no,'' I take his hand, and hold it. ''it's fine, I didn't… mind…''

Gilbert smiles again, and pulls my hand towards his lips. He kisses the back of my hand, and says ''Let's go, we're almost there.''

With our fingers laced, we walk again. We chitchat all the way, until Gilbert stops walking. ''We're here.'' He says. I look up to the building. It's a terraced house. There is a little garden, with a few white flowers.

Gilbert lets go of my hand and takes the key out of his pocket to open the door. Like a real gentleman, Gilbert opens the door and lets me walk in first.

''May I?'' He asks and gestures at my coat.

''Sure.'' I say, and take off my coat. Gilbert takes my coat, and says, ''You can go to the living room, I'll be there in a minute.''

''Okay.''

He points at an open door. ''That way.'' I nod and walk to the room. It's a nice room, with a black and white theme. Most of the walls are white, with black furniture. Then, my eye spots something above the couch. On that wall, there is a huge painted black bird. Like… HUUUUGE. It has a lot of detail. The bird has many feathers, spread like sunrays on a sunny day. It's is sticking its tongue out, and is wearing a crown. I notice that it's almost as big as the couch! It looks mighty, noble, like a king. It's kinda weird, but beautiful at the same time. I wonder why Gilbert has this bird painted on his wall.

''What do you think of it?''

I turn around, and see Gilbert. He has two drinks in his hand, and he grins. Since when did he turn on the lights? I didn't notice.

''You like it? I made it a few weeks ago. I still think it needs some more… I don't know, but something is lacking.''

I look at the bird again. ''No, I think it's good… It's beautiful actually.'' I think it's one of the most beautiful paintings I've ever seen. I can really see that Gilbert has put a lot of effort in this. I would've never thought that he painted too.

''You think? Well, thank you. But let's sit down and drink some.''

Gilbert puts the drinks down on the table, and sits. I sit next to him, cross legged. He doesn't seem to like that, because he immediately puts his arm around my shoulders and pulls me towards him.

''Gilbert! What are you doing?'' I'm blushing really hard.

''What?'' Gilbert says in a joking tone. ''I just missed you and want to hold you. Is that so bad?''

''… No… Sorry. I was just a bit surprised.''

I lean against his chest, and together we lie on the couch, just hearing each other breathing.

''It's fine. So, tell me about Alfred. Are you two still fighting?''

I sigh. I don't want to talk about this, but I have to tell Gilbert.

''I don't really know. Alfred still doesn't accept it, but the fight is over.''

Gilbert gives me a kiss on my head. ''That's one step to his acceptance, don't you think?''

''I guess so…''

Gilbert's hand is going through my hair. His fingers are combing my hair, his nose is nuzzling in it. ''Matty… I really like you.''

I look up. His piercing red eyes stare back at me. What do you want, with those beautiful red eyes? A little smile forms on my lips. ''I really like you too, Gilbert.''

And before I know it, Gilbert leans his head forward and presses his soft lips on mine. His lips stay on mine until I realise that he doesn't pull back. Wait a minute. This isn't a peck on the lips, this is taking too long to be a peck. Why isn't he stopping?

His lips are moving. I don't really know what he's doing but-

Wait.

Hold on.

Could it be…

…

A real kiss?

**A/N I am a horrible person for stopping here. I just... still don't have excuses xD Okay, well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please tell me what you think, because I have my doubts about this chapter. 'Till next time, and for the people who's school is starting, good luck and have fun D**


	5. This is love is it?

**A/N yes, I'm still alive! Sorry for not updating for so long... yes, school started again. I'm at a new school, and I'm SO BUSY. SRSLY. Anyway, here's chapter 5 for you guys :D And thanks to coolcat101s for beta'ing this ^^**

I was always invisible. No one saw me. Sometimes, at world meetings, other people noticed that someone was watching, but they never knew it was me. Russia sat on me a few times, that was not very nice… He's heavy! But he still had no idea that he was sitting on me. He never saw me. No one did. Not even my brother, or Arthur, of Francis. Arthur is a good friend of mine, not only because he's Alfred's boyfriend, but also because he helped me with becoming a nation. So did Francis, he helped me when I became Canada. I can never thank them enough; they did so much for me. But now, they seem to forget me. First, Arthur ignored me more and more. He saw me less, but still more than Alfred. And then there was Francis, he saw me the most of all the others. Not only when we were young, but also now that we're grown up. Well, he forgets me too sometimes, but everyone does. But he saw me, he sees me. Now I know it's because he's in love with me… He told me that he was in love with me, in love, with me! I always knew that Francis was gay, but it still surprised me. But I can't return his feelings, because before Francis confessed his love towards me, I met Gilbert. I don't mean that before I met Gilbert, that I wanted to date Francis or something! I mean that… that… what do I mean? And… what the maple am I doing?!

Is this going to be my first real kiss? Oh dear maple. I'm really excited and happy but… I don't know how to kiss! I've seen Alfred and Arthur kiss, but I never kissed! How do you do this stuff? Oh maple, oh maple, oh maple! Our lips are still touching, and Gilbert's lips are moving and mine are waiting. And panicking. And freaking out.

Gilbert notices something is wrong, because he pulls back. His red eyes are looking into mine, as I look away, feeling guilty.

''Matty, is something wrong?''

''N-no, no, not at all!'' I say while I put on a fake smile.

''Yes there is. Tell me. Why can't I kiss you?''

I blush very hard.

''I… Err...''

How can I tell him that I never kissed before? It's embarrassing!

Gilbert is waiting for my answer, and I keep stuttering.

''It's n-n-not like I-I.. I just- I- err…''

''Matty,'' Gilberts interrupts (thank maple). ''is it because you don't like me that much?''

How can he ever think that?! I told him that I like him many times!

''No, no, no! It's just…'' I can't seem to say it, so I stay silent.

''… Matty… Is this- have you ever kissed someone before?''

''… No…''

Then a smile appears on his face. ''Matty, you could've just told me to wait with kissing you! You scared me!''

''No, wait, Gilbert, I uh…''

''Yeeeeees?''

I blush and start stuttering again. Can't my voice cooperate with me for once?

''I-I err I don't- I never-''

''Matty, calm down, please!'' Gilbert laughs. ''Just take your time and say what you want to say.''

I take a deep breath.

''I-i-it's not like I don't want to k-kiss, I-I just don't know… how…''

''Kesesese! You're just way too cute you know that!'' Gilbert's hand is ruffling my hair. ''Don't worry, once you get your first kiss, you'll learn what to do quickly.'' I receive a wink from him, and I want to disappear, this is so embarrassing.

Then, Gilbert seems to have a great idea.

''Want me to teach you?''

I never knew my face could be this red. ''Wh-what?!''

''Do you want me to teach you how to kiss?'' He repeats.

''Gilbert!''

''What? I was just asking…''

I sigh, ''just shut up okay?'' I say with a smile. Gilbert grins and kisses my cheek. Teasingly, he says ''What, why?''

My blush is fading a little bit, but it's still there. ''You're embarrassing me…'' with another sigh, I let myself fall sideways on Gilbert's lap. I position myself so I lie comfortable, and wrap my arms around his waist. He runs his hand through my hair, that feels nice. My ear is placed on his heart, I can hear it beating. I notice that it's beating… really fast actually.

''Gil?'' I say while looking up. ''Hmm?'' He smiles. Oh wow that smile…

''Why is your heart beating so fast?'' I ask. It takes a few seconds before he puts on a huge grin.

''That,'' he starts, ''is because you're so close to me.''

I give him a confused look. ''Every time I think of you, or see you, or when you're so close to me, my heart beats faster.'' I still don't get it. What does his heart rhythm has to do with me? He notices that I'm silent.

Gilbert sighs and laughs a little. ''It means that I really really like you, silly.''

Aaaaaand the blush is back. I can make his heart beat faster? I? Plain old me? Wow... that's… weird. I really am new to this loveydovey stuff.

His red eyes are looking into mine. He hesitates before he asks ''Do you have the same feeling when you see me?''

A weird pang goes through my chest, I can feel my heart beat faster indeed. ''Well… I don't know…'' I answer him. His beautiful eyes seem disappointed and look down. Oh, I didn't mean to be mean! I sit up, ''I don't really pay attention to that.''

That didn't make it better.

''…But err... I do know that when I think of you I get a weird feeling in my belly.'' He looks up again, meeting my eyes. ''And you make me happy. I don't know why, but the thought of being with you makes me happy.''

All this time, Gilbert was looking at me with his bright red eyes, like a child that's been given a present. ''Wow, I didn't expect that.'' He says. Then, he leans forward and places his head on his hand. ''Was that a love confession?''

A… A love confession? Was it? Now that I think of it… I might be… But, am I in love with Gilbert? I know I like him, but am I in love? Do all these feelings mean that I'm in love? ''I-I don't know… I just told you how I feel when I see you.''

"Well, if that's the case…'' Gilbert starts, and leans to the side, and whispers in my ear. ''I'm gonna kiss you again, 'kay?'' I could only look at him, no response was coming from my mouth. ''W-w-why are you-''

''I'm asking so I won't startle you again. If you don't want to, you better say it now.''

He comes closer and closer, very slowly. He gives me the opportunity to pull away, to stop him if I want to. But… I can't. I can't move! Not that I want to move anyway.

Just a little bit more, and his lips will touch mine. I'm staring at his lips like an idiot, and notice that I'm leaning forward too. Then… it happened.

**Alfred's POV**

This is so unfair. Matt just ignored me and went to his amazing boyfriend. Ugh. Stupid Gilbert. Arthur doesn't seem to like him either. His eyes are watching the movie but I can see that his mind is somewhere else.

''I can't believe that Matt just ran off like that,'' I say, ''that's totally uncool.''

''Hmmhmm.''

''I mean, he never does stuff like that. He always… Err… I don't know what he always did, but it wasn't this!''

''Uhuh.''

''I feel like he betrayed me, ya know? Like he's choosing the bad side.''

''Yes.''

''And, how did he even-''

''Alfred,'' Arthur interrupts me. ''Can you please shut up? I'm trying to watch the movie.''

No he isn't. I can tell. Why is he acting so weird? I mean he isn't even leaning on me or something like usual.

''What are you so mad about man?'' I ask, trying to understand what's going on.

''Nothing, now shut up.'' I can't see his face; he's turning away from me.

''Oh come on. Nothing is going on? What are you, a chick?''

''If there's someone who should know I'm not a chick…'' Arthur responds really quietly, as if he's talking to himself. But loud enough for me to hear what he said.

Puzzled, I ask ''What do ya mean by that?''

He sighs, and turns his bored-to-death-face towards me. ''If you must know, I'm a little bit irritated by your nagging all the time.''

Huh? Okay, I think I missed something… since when do I nag?

''I do not nag!''

''Yes you do.''

''About what?''

He sighs, turns his face towards me and says ''About Matthew.'' When he notices that I don't really get it, he looks at the TV again and continues. ''The last few days were all about Matthew. You never noticed him at first, and now you're being the overprotective big brother. It's ridiculous!''

I smile. ''Sounds like someone is jealous!''

''I have all the right to be jealous!'' Arthur is talking a bit louder now. Wow, he's really pissed off. ''Don't misunderstand me, I really like Matthew. But you're forgetting me!''

I wanted to say 'I'm not forgetting you!' but I think I shouldn't. When I remembered Matt, I forgot my love. Oh I'm such an idiot! But I'm not gonna admit that he's right. No way.

''I'm not… forgetting you.'' I try.

''Oh really? Well, let me tell you a few facts.'' He sits up straight and turns towards me. His cheeks are a little bit red now, not from embarrassment but because of his anger.

''One, we haven't had a good conversation the last few days, two, you can't talk about anything else but Matthew and Gilbert. Three, you're only thinking of yourself and-''

I wave my arms in front of him, trying to get him to stop. Damn, he's REALLY pissed off. ''Okay, okay, I get it!'' I interrupt him, but he goes on.

''No, I don't think you do! You're a selfish bastard, you don't kiss me as much as usual and when is the last time we had sex?!''

''Artie! Don't-''

''No, don't you 'Artie' me! You,'' He pokes me in my belly with his finger, ''need the get over the fact that Matthew is growing up. He won't stay with you forever! He has found someone he probably loves, and you,'' He pokes again. ''really need to grow up yourself!''

… Wow… Okay, I didn't saw that one coming. He's panting from that outburst, and his face is really red now. I guess… he really really really is right. Ah man… I feel like such a moron. But, he is my boyfriend, how can he say stuff like this about me? I'm not saying the same about him, right?

After a few seconds, Artie looks at me and says in a normal volume, ''That needed to be said.''

He looks into my eyes for a few more seconds before saying ''So, are you mad at me or what?''

Noticing that I was staring at him this whole time, I shake my head. ''No, no, not at all. Well, I guess I am a little bit because you said a lot of uncool stuff about me but… I guess I forgive ya. But…'' I take a deep breath. ''You're… right.''

Arthur's eyes go wide open, he looks at me surprised. ''You admidt that I'm right? Well, that almost never happens.'' He gets a suspicious look in his eyes. ''Are you trying to act mature again? You know that I'm the mature one here.''

''Oh really?'' I say slowly. I pretend like my fingernails are incredibly interesting and act nonchalant while saying ''you didn't seem the mature one last week,'' I look at Artie. ''while we were busy in bed…''

His eyes are aiming on me, if looks could kill… ''But,'' he begins, ''you really need to get over the fact that Matthew is growing up.''

''… Fine.''

''You're not his father or something.''

''But you and Francis raised Matthew right? How can you not be worried?''

''… I didn't say I wasn't worried. I just know that I need to let him go. And so should you.'' Arthur's gentle smile appears on his face. ''Listen,'' he says, ''you don't have to let him go right now, but I just… I want you back.''

He raises his head a bit and looks at me. ''Okay?'' he says.

I smile ''Sure. Sorry.'' And give him a hug. Arthur looks surprised and says ''What, only a hug? Is that all?''

''Haha, of course not.'' I say while giggling. I lean in, and kiss him.

**Matthew POV**

I can feel my heart beating really fast (I notice my heart rhythm now), the adrenaline is racing through my body, and I'm super nervous. Gilbert pecks me a few times on my lips, until his lips stay there. After a while, I feel his tongue poking my bottom lip, as if to ask permission. Nervous and happy as I am, I grant him entrance. I open up, and Gilbert comes in. This feels really weird actually. His tongue is roaming around in my mouth, caressing mine. I'm not nervous anymore, I feel relaxed. I never knew that kissing could make me so… calm. Gilbert's hand comes up, and touches my cheek, holding up my head. He wraps his other arm around my waist. After a few seconds, he pulls back but lets his forehead rest on mine. He gives me a sec to catch my breath. ''Did you like it?'' His soothing voice asks. I want to respond, but my voice won't work. So I just nod. I look up to see his beautiful red eyes, as he closes the gap between us and kisses me again. Only now, he pushes me so I'm forced to lie down on the couch. I'm a bit confused, what is he doing now? Gilbert climbs on top of me, and kisses me deeper. I don't really know what he's doing, but I don't mind. And then… my stomach grumble's. Really loud.

Awkward.

Gilbert stops, he pulls away and opens his eyes. ''Matty?''

I open my eyes slowly, a deep blush covering my cheeks. I don't look him in the eyes. ''Y-yeah?''

''Have you eaten this evening?'' His voice sounds so worried...

Now that I think of it, I haven't eaten yet. I called Alfred when I came home, so I haven't eaten dinner today. No wonder my stomach is grumbling. Only it grumbled at a really awkward time, and of course, this happens to me.

''No, not yet…'' I answer.

He sighs, gives me a hand and we both sit up. His hand is caressing my face, while he asks ''Why aren't you eating well Matty?''

I shrug off his hand and say nonchalantly ''It's not like I'm not eating well, it's just… I guess I forgot to eat.'' Okay, well that's a weird answer. Why am I saying this? First my voice isn't doing what I want it to do, and now it's saying stupid things.

I receive a sceptical look, ''You need to take good care of yourself, ya know.'' All that I can do is nod. I know that it's not healthy what I do. He doesn't say anything else. Is he mad?

But then I hear Gil laugh a bit, and he ruffles my hair. ''I'm gonna make you something to eat!'' Before I can respond, he's off to the kitchen. I hear a lot of noise; cabinets that are pulled open, pans clinging, and more. Sounds like a war in the kitchen.

His head appears from beside the wall, with a big smile he asks ''What do you want to eat Matty? I can make you whatever you want!''

I can't help but giggle.

* * *

Apparently, Gilbert isn't really as good at cooking as he thought. I asked him for a lot of different things, but ended up with a hamburger and wurst. It's fine, I feel happy that he made this for me.

As I'm eating, Gilbert is looking outside. He said he wasn't hungry, so I'm the only one eating. It's nice to chat with someone at dinner. Normally, I had to listen to Alfred and Arthur. Or I was eating alone. But since I met Gilbert, it's all better. I don't feel so lonely anymore. You always make me feel better; you take my worries away. I know that I can tell you if something is wrong. You teach me new things in life, and you're always there for me.

Thank you for that.

**A/N I hope you enjoyed this chapter :D Oh, btw, if you've got too much time on your hands, why not check out some of my videos? -Shameless- If you want to, you can search ''AlexisAshnew'' on Youtube, that's my channel ^^ so... Take a look if you'd like ^^ I'm just a beginner but I'm learning how to make vids :P **

**Please review! It means a lot to me. See you next time~!**


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